They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
