Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
