oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
