Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
