I feel like abortions should bother me more
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
