lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
