My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
