since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
