uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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