im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
