The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
