Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
