my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
