He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
