i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
