Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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