Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
