I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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