All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
At least life still wants to fuck me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize