i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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