I wish I could teleport
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize