If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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