Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
