I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
