Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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