My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
