I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I need moral support for this bender
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The ass gains better be worth it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
