I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
