I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
