thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
