Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
