Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
