From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
