He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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