Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
