i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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