According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
