did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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