You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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