also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Send help, water and tortillas.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
