I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
