im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
