dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
