I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
