4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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