If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
