I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
