I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
thus making me awesome and them whores
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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