Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
