I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
