He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
