Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Bring me that man meat
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
