remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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