How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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