you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
