it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
