i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
