He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
