so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
