So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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