Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
