just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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